As I walked in from the garage with purpose, my arms loaded with Christmas gifts and surprises Shauna and I procured in an insane attempt of trying to get all of our holiday errands completed in a single day while our kids were still with their Grandma Sandi-I heard a familiar voice on our answering machine as Shauna was reviewing our messages. Sights still focused on the destination of operation "Hide Christmas" I heard only enough to register it was the voice of my Grandma Carolyn. Once said items were properly hidden I returned to the kitchen to hear what I had missed and hoping everything was OK in my typical worried/neurotic fashion, only to discover everything was far more than OK, and the largest Christmas gift was not hidden, but there on our answering machine.
Carolyn sweetly explained that if I was available, she had arranged (and not easily) for my three brothers and I to meet for dinner on December 22. It was time for chapter 2 in this new section of my life story. I made the arrangements with work the next day, called my grandma to advise I was definitely in, and then tried to endure the week of waiting. So a few hours of overtime, in part due to my difficulty to focus, and I was on my way.
I spent the night with my in-laws as the weather forecast looked grim and talked my poor mother-in-law's ears off with anticipation of the next day. I truly felt like I was five again on Christmas Eve too anxious to sleep.
The rest was simply amazing. While I could rattle of each poignant detail and recount the many moments of my trip, I apologize that I do not feel they belong here for all to see. I cherish them more than that. But I will share that while I have never felt lost or unsure of who I am, I feel like I know even better now. Where I came from. Why I am. A study in the argument of nurture vs. nature. While I'm so very thankful to have been raised by a loving family, the one I've only known as my own -I feel so honored to be so readily loved and accepted into the one with which I share blood. My grandmother oft apologized for loving me without really knowing me, but as I looked at my brothers I felt what I believe to be that same love. It's awkward and you find yourself questioning yourself for essentially loving strangers. Yet you catch glimpses of yourself in each of them and it's almost like de'ja vu, that feeling that maybe you've been there before, that that piece of you is from them or in them or from you and you feel that while you know nothing about them, you also know something. I suppose it's that feeling of validation or belonging that comes from hearing you have your uncle's laugh or your brother's eyes- but hearing and seeing it for yourself, without question, for the first time.
My brothers. I love these guys and I feel honored to be numbered among them. They are my greatest Christmas gift and I look forward to knowing them better and better. I hope they do to.
Merry Christmas!
Carolyn sweetly explained that if I was available, she had arranged (and not easily) for my three brothers and I to meet for dinner on December 22. It was time for chapter 2 in this new section of my life story. I made the arrangements with work the next day, called my grandma to advise I was definitely in, and then tried to endure the week of waiting. So a few hours of overtime, in part due to my difficulty to focus, and I was on my way.
I spent the night with my in-laws as the weather forecast looked grim and talked my poor mother-in-law's ears off with anticipation of the next day. I truly felt like I was five again on Christmas Eve too anxious to sleep.
The rest was simply amazing. While I could rattle of each poignant detail and recount the many moments of my trip, I apologize that I do not feel they belong here for all to see. I cherish them more than that. But I will share that while I have never felt lost or unsure of who I am, I feel like I know even better now. Where I came from. Why I am. A study in the argument of nurture vs. nature. While I'm so very thankful to have been raised by a loving family, the one I've only known as my own -I feel so honored to be so readily loved and accepted into the one with which I share blood. My grandmother oft apologized for loving me without really knowing me, but as I looked at my brothers I felt what I believe to be that same love. It's awkward and you find yourself questioning yourself for essentially loving strangers. Yet you catch glimpses of yourself in each of them and it's almost like de'ja vu, that feeling that maybe you've been there before, that that piece of you is from them or in them or from you and you feel that while you know nothing about them, you also know something. I suppose it's that feeling of validation or belonging that comes from hearing you have your uncle's laugh or your brother's eyes- but hearing and seeing it for yourself, without question, for the first time.
My brothers. I love these guys and I feel honored to be numbered among them. They are my greatest Christmas gift and I look forward to knowing them better and better. I hope they do to.
Merry Christmas!
Dan, Matt, Jason, Cameron
Grandma Carolyn, Dan, Matt, Jason, Cameron, Grandpa Art
4 comments:
Dan this is amazing! I am so happy for you and can completely understand your joy. I can't wait to catch up with you and hear the whole story. Love you lots, see you soon.
How wonderful, Dan! I am so happy for you!
My eyes are drowning in moisture for you!
That is awesome! How fun for you and I love your way of explaining it Dan. What a good lookin group of brothers and I am so happy for you to be able to meet them and experience that.
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